Help! What’s the Number for 911??

You may be hearing from me on more than one occasion this week. Bless your hearts. I have had many ideas and thoughts over the past week and I don’t want to overwhelm you with a lengthy post. These aren’t thoughts of a subtle nature, and they certainly aren’t of the profound nature. These are more of the “jeepers, Regina, you actually sound lucid”, nature. However, those titillating posts are going to have to wait, since I just had a moment. I really awkward moment. Stop here if you have any sense at all or are weak of tummy.

As I sat at my desk, the smoke alarm started beeping. “Change my battery”, it was saying. So, I did. I also did a test, you know, just to be sure everything was cool. That’s when things went south. The test triggered the alarm. This is no ordinary alarm. This alarm is so loud it would be heard by the fire department without any call made. As I race up the steps to silence it, ADT calls to see if everything is ok. I give them my code and assure them it was user error. Nice fella. “I’ll give the fire department an ‘all clear'”. Brief call. Peace comes to the house and all is well. Then my daily constitutional came a-callin’. I am just going to preface this by telling you that I am a lady with a stellar diet. Lots of apples, leafy greens and plenty of beans. See where I am going here? As I settle in, I hear what sounds like a siren. Could it be? Nah. Nice fella was contacting the fire department. Then the sound of a truck. Big truck. Maybe big enough to carry, oh…I don’t know…ladders or hoses and a few hulking men. If you are thinking “Regina, it sounds like a fire engine is coming down your road!”, you might be right. I had a wonderful visit from the Rhinebeck FD while sitting on the loo.

That is when our heroine dies a slow and embarrassing death.

I try to race out before anyone came to the door. There stood a parent of a former student, another acquaintance and my neighbor. Full gear and ready to save me.

I would like a simple casket. Open. With a rose between my teeth.

May she rest in peace.

42 Replies to “Help! What’s the Number for 911??”

  1. I don’t normally read the horror genre, but I made an exception today! And it’s not like any of us can be quick in the bathroom nowadays – what with all the hand-washing on top of the fruit and fibre! Speaking of which, did anyone else see the YouTube video of The TV detective Monk singing 99 bottles of beer on a wall whilst washing his hands? Cracked me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my! Thanks for the laugh and sorry that happened to you (though it did provide a bit of humor during these challenging times for your readers) 🙂
    No worries, though we all suspect it could happen, it is highly unlikely to die from embarrassment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What make me laugh is that I, your husband, found out about this episode when I received a notification about your blog. I guess you were too embarrassed to call me. Made for wonderful reading. Now I know your priorities, eat, poop, blog about both then laugh when I came home and said “did I smell smoke or is that _______?”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh noooo Regina LOL!!!! I’m so sorry that they showed up at the most inopportune time, but I couldn’t help laughing while reading this! Thank you for sharing this story with us!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Classic! That made me smile. I changed all my fire alarms a few months ago as I wanted to upgrade our system, so no batteries required. The one thing that made me upgrade was a mysterious set of events of the old alarms going off one by one all over the house for no reason. Yes, they were battery-driven, but all had new batteries, so it wasn’t that. I put it down to either the fact that they were old or the house is haunted (it was built in the 1800s it’s old too), so a new system was installed, all the alarms communicate with each other and detect both visual sources of fire, smouldering fires, heat detectors and smoke detectors, so we are safe. Then the master bedroom goes off with the new system and I have never moved so fast, EVER, needless to say, I needed the loo after it went off LOL. False alarm thankfully but it did age me and set my heart arrhythmia off again. No firemen were seen during this (shame really).

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Our fire dept is all volunteer. Recently there was a sign in front of the fire station soliciting new members. “Is volunteerism burning inside you?” Damn near died.

        Liked by 1 person

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