You may be hearing from me on more than one occasion this week. Bless your hearts. I have had many ideas and thoughts over the past week and I don’t want to overwhelm you with a lengthy post. These aren’t thoughts of a subtle nature, and they certainly aren’t of the profound nature. These are more of the “jeepers, Regina, you actually sound lucid”, nature. However, those titillating posts are going to have to wait, since I just had a moment. I really awkward moment. Stop here if you have any sense at all or are weak of tummy.
As I sat at my desk, the smoke alarm started beeping. “Change my battery”, it was saying. So, I did. I also did a test, you know, just to be sure everything was cool. That’s when things went south. The test triggered the alarm. This is no ordinary alarm. This alarm is so loud it would be heard by the fire department without any call made. As I race up the steps to silence it, ADT calls to see if everything is ok. I give them my code and assure them it was user error. Nice fella. “I’ll give the fire department an ‘all clear'”. Brief call. Peace comes to the house and all is well. Then my daily constitutional came a-callin’. I am just going to preface this by telling you that I am a lady with a stellar diet. Lots of apples, leafy greens and plenty of beans. See where I am going here? As I settle in, I hear what sounds like a siren. Could it be? Nah. Nice fella was contacting the fire department. Then the sound of a truck. Big truck. Maybe big enough to carry, oh…I don’t know…ladders or hoses and a few hulking men. If you are thinking “Regina, it sounds like a fire engine is coming down your road!”, you might be right. I had a wonderful visit from the Rhinebeck FD while sitting on the loo.
That is when our heroine dies a slow and embarrassing death.
I try to race out before anyone came to the door. There stood a parent of a former student, another acquaintance and my neighbor. Full gear and ready to save me.
I would like a simple casket. Open. With a rose between my teeth.
May she rest in peace.